Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes, No… ?

And the update for this week is…

I don't know!

I am still struggling with this whole decision making process regarding both moving house and whether to go for IVF or not.

I have spent five days of this year so far looking for a house. I think I have somewhere that I might want to live, and then I spend time in that place looking at houses for the day, only to feel a huge relief when I emerge into the outside world again. Everything in the city seems so closed in, not good for a girl with a love of the wide desert and the open fen landscape. I have gone from suburb to suburb, development to development and I still haven't found a place where I think I would be happy to live.

Then there's my house. My house is perfect for us. It is perfect for us because I spent loads of time and money making it so, converting, renovating, improving the design and flow, insulating and adding the solar panels to keep our bills down. I honestly haven't found anywhere as nice. To confirm that, I have now had 3 real estate agents come to value it, and they have all said the same - there is nothing you could do to improve it.

The best new place I found, within our budget, was a brand new three story terraced house on a square, which had a playground for the under sixes and a grassed area for bigger kids who want to kick a ball around. BB could have gone outside and played when he was older and I could have spied on him from the window. The middle floor was great - a lounge at the back, dining area at the from and a lovely central kitchen. It had enormous windows so it was light too. But the ground floor and top floor were less than satisfactory - tiny bedrooms, and a garage that's too small for a car! The roads were narrow and clogged with cars already, even before all the houses are occupied, and it was situated in a real rabbit warren part of the development.

So, I am getting a very strong feeling for staying put. I do know that the preschool and infant school near here are great. We have all we need. BB was pretty taken with the idea of a "really tall house", but he also really wants some chickens again. I have asked him 5 times now if he would rather have a really tall house or chickens - It's 5:0 to the chickens. I think we will stay.

Another thing that is persuading me is that I am just beginning to get things moving with my BabyCalm business. A main motivator for training in the first place was because there was nothing similar at all in our town. I really wanted to provide something for new mums here. I started promoting it on Tuesday and already I have had two really heartfelt emails from people saying just how much it's needed here. Although I could get much more work on this in the city if wee moved, if we stay here I won't need to work so hard because we will need less money - I can still travel to the city one or two days a week and I will still provide a much needed service in my local community.

So yeah, today we are definitely staying. Lets see what I want to do tomorrow!

Then there's the IVF decision. I am not pregnant again. Since DD said no to using a clinic six weeks ago I have been thinking along the lines of just giving up. I am very happy with just BB and me. Our life is good. I have been thinking about holidays and things we could do together if we are just 2. I am happy with that. DD told me yesterday though that he is now thinking we should get straight on with IVF. I wasn't expecting that. Do I want that? I really don't know. I would love another baby, yes. but can I put myself through it? Before our conversation last night I was thinking I would commit to 2 more cycles of AI and then call it a day. But will I be able to give up then if I don't actually have to? If not, when will it end? How much longer should I let it go on for? I'm kind of over it. I have to call it quits one day, and that day is definitely getting closer.

Hello, and thanks for stopping by. My name is Emma and I am a lifestyle entrepreneur, writer, teacher, coach and mentor. I am passionate about eating real food, learning, travel and health. I get to spend my days with my amazing son who has chosen to learn from the world rather than at school. We write to share the life we love and to help others create a life they love too.


  1. I hate having major decisions to make. I read about the new development on Fb and it sounded interesting but your description here not as much. I love the idea of a community where things are close, but yeah, I don't want things too close. I have about a fifth of an acre in my little cul-de-sac spot and always say that when I move I want at least a half acre. As for TTC, those decisions are tough so best of luck deciding what is right for you and your family.

  2. There are huge parts of the place I was looking at that are gorgeous. Big lakes, nature reserves, etc. But the parts where they are building now that I can afford are no so nice. I would have all the nice bits close by, but the houses are really crammed in. 1/2 an acre sounds great. I'd love that too! Sadly I live in the most densely populated country in Europe so that's very unlikely to ever happen. Unless I go back to Oz...