Just when I had it all sorted and we were moving to Albany in September/October this year, something has happened to introduce an interesting and exciting new twist to the tale.
I haven't blogged about TTC for while. Quite frankly I was over it. The last two cycles I didn't even ovulate according to the fertility monitor. I had pretty much given up on the idea, was accepting my old age of 42 was not conducive to pregnancy, and getting on planning a future for BB and I as a solo mum and a solo son.
A few things happened which were interesting. I sat having lunch with a friend and a new lady that we met at swimming lessons. I was asked if I wanted a second child and told the tale. I also mentioned my plans to have BB out of the country before he is due to start full time school next September , and said jokingly, "so, if he's getting a sibling, I need to get pregnant today!"
It turns out I did!
I really had no hope but of course we had to try anyway - you never know, right? And if we didn't keep trying there would always be the 'what if' in the back of my mind... But I thought it was hopeless. According to monitor I didn't ovulate. I then proceeded to do all the things you shouldn't do when pregnant, like take BB to feed the lambs, drink alcohol on Mother's Day, and eat half of a wedge of soft cheese the day after that.
I was looking at houses in Albany with lovely big gardens for BB to run around in and in my mind I saw him with a sibling to play with. I felt sad, because in Australia you can't adopt as a single person, so I knew there was pretty much no way that would happen.
Then, looking back, there were a couple of other signs. I was drinking soda and lime, a pregnancy favourite, and found myself buying salty crackers in the supermarket - something I haven't bought for ages since giving up wheat, but another pregnancy favourite. Then when I was bathing BB I noticed I was extra spotty, and decided to test. I thought I could see a faint line but couldn't be sure, so the next day I went and bought a digital test, and found my self in the public loos at the shopping centre, peeing on a stick. And it was positive.
I know. It's early days. Very early days. Lots could go wrong. I may be lucky and carry the baby to term, but I am equally aware that I may not. It does feel different to the pregnancy that I lost though so I am hopeful. Hopefully I will get an early scan this time too. You are never really sure until you have that little one in your arms though are you.
Meantime, I am carrying on with planning to move. My first instinct was that I need to move sooner, so that we can be settled and sorted before the baby comes along. Moving with one child would be easier than with two, and I am really ready to get out of here. That's not really feasible though as DD and PP are getting married in August and I can't really take BB away before the big day. But to go after that would put me at about 25 weeks... I don't want to begin an overseas move at that stage!
So the other option is to wait until after the birth. Then I will wait a few more months too. My nan turns a hundred in July 2015, and BB will have a birthday a couple of days before. This coincides with the UK summer holidays and so DD has agreed that he would fly over to Oz with us in the holidays and help us move.
Mean time I am working towards both eventualities. We are leaving no matter what, and either way, my time to get organised for that is now. The garden is almost complete, chicken fence gone, plants moved and all ready for the turf to be laid on Monday. I have shredded 9 years worth of tax records and have a large pile of student records to go as soon as the recycling bin is emptied. We have taken two huge loads to the charity shop already and have lots of things listed on e-bay. I plan to get one load of stuff out of the loft and sort through it every time DD visits. I had a big blitz in my wardrobe yesterday and BB's is next. Culling is great. I hate stuff. It completely owns you doesn't it. Moving halfway across the world a few times is great for helping you get rid of things - but then you always get more. I hope to get better at getting less!
I am excited. I really feel like I might possibly have another child by Christmas. I would love the opportunity to do it all again as a more confident me. I also feel really good to be making steps towards moving. It's not all positive though. I shared the news with my parents yesterday and they just said "oh". No further questions. I even told them it would make me stay here a bit longer, and that they could have an extra grand child for Christmas, but still nothing... ah well. I guess they think I am too old. Or that I can't manage two on my own. Luckily I disagree!
My work is getting in control. It's depressing in that I have been working really hard for the last year and having just done my books for tax and my net income for a years work, the profit is small, and after childcare is negative by -£160.96! My major concern about staying here is that my savings are still going down at quite a rate. There's not much left at all. In the last few days I have locked away enough for our airfares and a bit extra for moving costs and we just have to try and live on less for the next year. We do get 15 hours of free childcare from the age of three here so that will help.
Getting the working hours down a bit has also made me happier as on some days I have been the mum I want to be. Yesterday we had a great time sorting though things in the morning, and then going to the shops (the pet shop, the reptile shop and the second hand toy shop being BB's favourite places to browse at the moment). Then we made some Easter nest cakes and did some painting, inspired by indigenous dot paintings. It was a fun day!
PS - if you are someone who knows me in real life, please don't share my news just yet... thanks
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