First the identity crisis - this is so trivial and non consequential, but somehow seemed huge to me. Observing myself I can see that this is ridiculous, however...
Being Blissful Mama instead of the real me meant that I had multiple profiles all over social media (Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, etc.). That was a nightmare to say the least, so one of the things that was good about coming out as me was that I could now consolidate all of those into one account for each. Twitter has gone from three accounts (one for work, one for Almost Paleo and one for Blissful Mama). After lots of deliberation and research, the common advice was to keep the account with most followers and change the name. I considered using one of my other names that I have already, but they were each associated with only one aspect of me. I also read that using your real name with no underscores or numbers was the way to go. From what was available, @realemmabliss seemed the most appropriate, so I changed @Blissful_Mama to that. This seemed like a sensible thing to do - I would feel a bit silly telling a business client that I am Blissful Mama. Plus there is more to me than Blissful Mama, so if it is to include the whole real me, and it works for Almost Paleo too.
This all seems simple right - I changed the links on my blogs and in a couple of other places and that was that. BUT, then I found myself mourning Blissful Mama. I know that's ridiculous! But it has been my identity for so long. So should I change it back? Does it really matter? Will anyone else actually care? Will I just get over it? I don't use twitter for business anyway so why is that an issue? And even if i did, @Blissful_Mama's not offensive! Lots of people funny twitter names! I have a history associated with Blissful Mama - I have been to two conferences with that identity.
I tweeted about my dilemma to ask people what they thought. No one replied. That's how much it matters.
In the end I decided that @Blissful_Mama feels more me that @realemmabliss - which sounds a bit pretentious, but there already is someone with my name (perhaps it would have been easier if that was available).
So anyway - after all that, I have changed back!
Therefore you didn't actually really need to hear that story at all - other than as an anecdote of my identity crisis - hopefully I am through it now - well that bit of it at least!
On to waiting. Yes I am waiting again - 7dpo. I can no longer imagine actually getting pregnant and feel like we should give up now and move on. If it happens I will be more than surprised. I am in two minds as to whether I want to try again after this cycle. We did say we'd keep trying up to a May due date, as BB2 should have been born this May which seemed like perfect timing. I guess we'll decide in a week or so!
BB is being an absolute delight, and annoying all at once. He is talking in little sentences now which is very cute. I love how the way he constructs them is a little insight into the way he sees the world. He is also a joker and likes to pretend which surprised me really for his age. Pretending to be asleep is a new favourite game - he says "night night" and starts snoring. He does this in the most ridiculous places - like in my wardrobe, on the stairs, in the bath...
He is has also learned that "please" is a magic word that makes things happen. Most of the time I am rewarding his good manners by meeting his requests, but sometimes it is necessary to say no even when he says please - so he's not taking that too well.
He is also going through a phase where he says he wants something, and then when you get it he doesn't want it. The you put it back and he wants it. He is not joking in this game but screaming, either because he wants it or because he doesn't. It's not my favourite game!
A recent thing is running away from me. This is a fun game and we did have an understanding about where it was appropriate and where is wasn't - like when there's cars you always hold mummy's hand. He seems to have forgotten this though - or chosen to ignore it. Twice yesterday he ran off towards a road, and once in front of a car in a car park. It gives me nightmares. He does't get it either, just thinks its funny. I'm not sure where to go on this one, my dad says to use the reins again. These were great when he first started walking (they held him up a bit and let him explore more freely, but we haven't really used them since he mastered the art of walking properly and learned to stay holding my hand. I'm not sure it's appropriate to use reins at this stage of his development - but I don't want him under a car. Any more ideas on this?
He is determined too if he wants something. Here is in on the kitchen counter - he pushes a chair across and hauls himself up. This is the cupboard where the little packs of raisins are kept!
I am also having one of those phases where I feel I am not doing enough to stimulate him as well. I think I do a good job of taking him places and doing interesting stuff out, but at home I think could do more. He seems to agree, as he is always disappointed to get home. I keep thinking I should try and make home more fun, or get more things for him to do, or play with him more. Then again, we could always do more, right? With more hours in the day, or more hands... One of my friends said to me when I became pregnant "welcome to the guilt - as now you will feel guilty for the rest of your life" I thought they were just cynical, but now I see it's true. Hopefully doing my best most of the time is good enough!
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