I've had better days

 It's 3.30am. I am sitting on a cushion on the lounge floor next to a puking child, and actually feeling a bit sick myself too. We are on cushions on the floor because the sofa went to the dump last week. Our house is almost packed up in boxes. I haven't slept a wink yet tonight and I doubt its going to happen now. So I may as well write.

I had a phone call from the clinic on Tuesday saying that they had retrieved 7 eggs and that transfer would therefor either be Friday or Sunday. Friday if less than 7 eggs fertilized, but the possibility of doing a 5 day transfer if they all did. On Wednesday they called again - only 3 embryos, so a 3 day transfer on Friday. I booked flights and a hotel. BB was going to stay with his dad. Thursday morning, we were all packed and ready to go and I get a call saying that there is only one embryo left and it isn't looking good. The embryologist recommends waiting until Sunday to see what happens, but the clinic offer to do a 3 day transfer if I want. I don't want! I don't think I want a 5 day one either. They are telling me that I could still get pregnant even though it hasn't developed properly. Not very reassuring. I don't want to transfer a sick embryo and miscarry again.

They did originally tell me that if I didn't have 1 or 2 good embryos by Friday I could do the whole cycle again with new donors free of charge. But now it has come to it they don't seem so keen. They are saying if it makes it to day 5 I have to do the transfer. I don't think I do have to, and I am actually hoping it wont come to that.

Maybe I have now had enough indicators that I am destined to be the mum of just one. At the moment I just want to get off the drugs and get back to normal. I guess I should try another cycle if I get the chance though.

Having spent a lot of energy persuading a sobbing BB that spending a night at Daddy's house without Mummy would be fun, it seems I finally convinced him. He was disappointed that he wasn't going to see his daddy and that he wasn't going to stay there alone. Our bags were packed and so I thought we could go anyway. We could have a day in London and then I would be ready if I do need to go on Saturday for a Sunday transfer. It would be the same weekend as planned, but in reverse.

So we texted DD to say we were coming and set off. We were about 2/3 of the way there when he sent a message to say they weren't really prepared for adult guests... Hmm... what to do? BB was very disappointed again. It was hard to know what to say to him so in the end I said that Daddy wasn't expecting Mummy just BB so I thought we should go home. His idea was that i should just drop him off at Daddy's house and then go home. Hmm - so my powers of persuasion must have worked. I thought about it, but decided it wasn't really worth the disruption to DD's work and that we might need him another day, so we turned around and came home.  4 1/2 hours and 150 miles to go nowhere!

On the way home I decided to treat myself to a bottle of wine. I got home only to remember that I gave all the wine glasses to the charity shop. Then I discovered I had bought one of those rare bottles with a cork, and remembered that there was a little space in a box the other day that I dropped things like a corkscrew into (on that note I am fed up already with our stuff being in boxes, and so is BB. I want to be in our new house with everything sorted). So, anyway, no wine for me.

Lucky really as now I have a puking child. At least he's learnt to use the sick bowl.

I definitely feel a bit sick myself too. I wonder if its all in my head or real...

Ah well... lets see what the next few days brings.

One would hope things are going get better!

Hello, and thanks for stopping by. My name is Emma and I am a lifestyle entrepreneur, writer, teacher, coach and mentor. I am passionate about eating real food, learning, travel and health. I get to spend my days with my amazing son who has chosen to learn from the world rather than at school. We write to share the life we love and to help others create a life they love too.

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