Friday, May 3, 2013

Due Date

I can't let this day pass without acknowledging it's significance.  Today was BB2's due date.

The day has not been so bad. I have thought about it a few times, and shed a few tears. I think I have accepted it now, but there will always be times when I think of her and what might have been had she joined us in this world. It would have been so perfect.

The week has been hard though. I am not pregnant again! I was hoping that I would be before this date rolled around. Now I am starting to think it may never happen. I am wishing that we started sooner, but I wasn't ready to do that for a couple of months after the miscarriage. I am ready now. Hopefully getting past this point is what I needed.

I did say before that the latest attempt would be the last one, but I can't give up yet. DD and I discussed things at the weekend and agreed on 4 more tries. I am starting to come to terms with the idea that BB might be my only child, but I am not ready to give in yet. I also feel the need to put a limit on how long this goes on for though, so that I can commit to the adoption/fostering path if that is the way for us.

I am doing all that I can to boost my chances, eating well, taking my supplements, getting exercise. Although I got pregnant before whilst breastfeeding I am wondering if stopping might help. I am trying to cut that down gradually now. I also think that if it doesn't work the next time I will go back to the Chinese Doctor that I saw before. I need to know that I have done all I can.

Does anybody have any other tips I could try?

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7 comments:

  1. BM, lots of hugs to you for today. My thoughts are with you.

    Because you've been TTC from home, I'm not sure how connected you are with your GP or gynae. Have you explored things like (not sure of technical term, but something like) fallopian tube cleansing? Have you had fertility testing? I know you're attracted to natural fertility enhancement (so am I) and these might be more 'interventionist' paths to explore if you're open.

    (((HUGS)))

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    1. Thanks

      Re the GP and gynae, no I am not connected at all. I should go and see a doctor. I will make an appointment next week. I am attracted to natural fertility enhancement, but at this stage I will consider anything! I have been googling clinics even.

      The natural stuff has been good as I need my body to feel like it can cope with a pregnancy. It does now, I feel healthier and have more energy than I ever remember. I just have to get pregnant!

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  2. If you're concerned about breastfeeding interfering, it might help to have your prolactin levels checked. Apparently it needs to be under 20 for ovulation. I may do this test if I find I can't wean yet. Good luck!

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    1. I think I am ovulating. I am using a fertility monitor and charting my temperature. I am getting a 2 day peak reading on the monitor and the temperature rise. That said, I am on CD 9 now and I usually have a high reading by this point but today it was still low, which is worrying me somewhat. That said, I have had more that the usual number of High days for the last 3 cycles, so it could just be the monitor adjusting to me. I have been thinking about going and getting all these levels checked though, but I read online that once you are over 40 it is hard to get support from the health service, so it may mean going private. I should make an appointment with my GP at least. Thanks for the nudge!

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  3. GP Appointment booked! Next Thursday.

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  4. Thinking of you. No advice from me, seeing your dr is a good thing I'm sure. Very best of luck

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  5. No advice from me, either, other than drawing your doctor in for some extra guidance, which you're already doing you.

    Sending love and hugs on this special and sad day.

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