I can't let this day pass without acknowledging it's significance. Today was BB2's due date.
The day has not been so bad. I have thought about it a few times, and shed a few tears. I think I have accepted it now, but there will always be times when I think of her and what might have been had she joined us in this world. It would have been so perfect.
The week has been hard though. I am not pregnant again! I was hoping that I would be before this date rolled around. Now I am starting to think it may never happen. I am wishing that we started sooner, but I wasn't ready to do that for a couple of months after the miscarriage. I am ready now. Hopefully getting past this point is what I needed.
I did say before that the latest attempt would be the last one, but I can't give up yet. DD and I discussed things at the weekend and agreed on 4 more tries. I am starting to come to terms with the idea that BB might be my only child, but I am not ready to give in yet. I also feel the need to put a limit on how long this goes on for though, so that I can commit to the adoption/fostering path if that is the way for us.
I am doing all that I can to boost my chances, eating well, taking my supplements, getting exercise. Although I got pregnant before whilst breastfeeding I am wondering if stopping might help. I am trying to cut that down gradually now. I also think that if it doesn't work the next time I will go back to the Chinese Doctor that I saw before. I need to know that I have done all I can.
Does anybody have any other tips I could try?
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