I have had a bit of a turn around in my thinking though. I think it was the adoption thing that has done it too. Last weekend I was feeling really down about the whole thing, but then on Sunday night I switched attitudes somehow. If I can;t adopt, then somehow I have to try and get this old body into order so that it can get pregnant and carry a baby full term.
When I say I feel too old, people kindly tell me that I am not that old, that they know someone older than me who just had a baby etc etc. That's all fine. I believe it. The thing is, I feel old. I feel heaps older than I did when I got pregnant with BB, and significantly older than I did before the miscarriage too. I did have a little window, when I was doing the elimination diet, where I felt amazing. I really felt that I would get pregnant in January (that was the month AI got called off suddenly). I think I hit a bit of a depression then, and everything went down hill fast.
On Sunday night I decided I had to get myself back to how I was feeling then. I had a big study of all the data and my posts to see if I could find an answer. I thought back to what I was eating when I felt great, and what made me feel rubbish. Although I did feel the detox for the first few days, for the last part of stage one and most of stage 2 I was feeling great. I made promises to myself back then that I would try and eat more stage 1 and 2 foods in my every day diet - I seem to have forgotten that. I also noticed a big drop in energy levels and felt like I had a brick in my belly when I reintroduced wheat. I was expecting a reaction, but there wasn't one. However, I did also say then that I would eat less wheat in the future. Again, I seem to have forgotten that!
When I was feeling great, I was eating a bowl of rice with spring onion and olive oil for breakfast (much nicer than it sounds I promise. Another breakfast I commonly ate was even weirder, stir fried capsicum peppers! Recently I have been having a wheat based cereal every day, and then mid morning, BB and I often have toast. That's two meals that are almost 100% wheat before lunch time!
So, when I woke up on Monday, I breakfasted on capsicum, the following day brown rice and onions. I haven't cut out wheat completely. My mum brought a strawberry tart around for lunch on Friday and I couldn't resist, and I did munch on one of BB's bread sticks when I was trying to persuade him to eat one (and stop screaming!). I also invested in some wheat free flour, so I can see if it is the wheat, or just the heavy carbohydrate (often combined with butter, sugar and eggs). I am also seriously thinking about purchasing the Wheat Belly book. If anyone has read this I would love to hear your thoughts on it.
Another thing I have done is reintroduce Vital Greens back into my life. This is a supplement that I discovered when I was living in Australia and I have sworn by it ever since. I feel so much healthier (and I know it sounds naff considering the name, but vital is a good description) when I take it, so despite the expense it is one thing I always make sure I have. That is until I did the elimination diet. Vital Greens has lots of different natural ingredients so I had to eliminate it in case it interfered with other results. I was itching to get it back in to my diet, but then when grapes were highlighted as a possible problem I couldn't reintroduce it due to the fact that it contains grape-seed extract. I seem to have forgotten about that too. So I began taking that again as well.
I swear I felt better straight away. By Wednesday I noticed a complete change in attitude towards the pregnancy thing, I now believe I can do it, which this time last week was unimaginable. I am going to stick with the vital greens, and keep wheat to a minimum for a while and see what happens.
I think I could get pregnant next cycle!
Other things that are happening?
Well it is snowing here in the UK, quite heavily. This really shouldn't be happening at this time of year! Luckily BB LOVES snow, there has been a good covering since he went to bed, I hope it is still there for him in the morning.
I have also had the good fortune to be given some solar panels. They are supposed to be being installed tomorrow! I am not sure that this is the best thing for anyone to be doing in the snow, so I am guessing that might be delayed a few days. They have to be in by the end of the month though, so hopefully it wont be long before it's safe to climb on the roof and fit them.
BB's biggest milestone this week is that now, with the help of a little step, he can now reach the sink to wash his hands... sometimes that makes for a slightly wet floor, but it has made hand washing so much more bearable. He used to hate it, now he wants to do it every 5 minutes!