I thought I would write a little post to fill you in. PP is on board, he even called me himself tonight to let me know that and explain how he was feeling before and to apologise for delaying the 'proceedings'. It's all good, I fully understand his perspective as I said before. I am pleased he rang though and that we had a chance to talk about it all. I even managed to laugh about it with my mum earlier. Somehow I didn't get onto a relationship and have a child with a man in the usual way - yet here I am, essentially with 2 of them!
It has left space for a new quandary though - during the last few days the adoption idea has really grown in my mind. I even had a phone call today from a social worker in adoption services at our county council. I was totally honest about our situation and where I am at in my thought processes and she didn't seem put off. They do have a policy of a 2 year gap between siblings, and the whole process takes about two years, so that would mean looking at adopting an 18month old in 2 years time. 18months is generally the time it takes to have made a decision that the child can not live with the birth family so that would work. She did also explain that most of the babies they deal with have some issues, often to do with substance abuse by the mother during pregnancy, and that these issues may not all be apparent at 18 months, so I wouldn't necessarily know what I was getting. That's good to be aware of, but you don't really know what you are getting with a child you give birth to your self either do you?
So, now its down to me again to make the decision of which path to pursue. In some ways it was easier when the decision was out of my hands. I will talk with DD and see what he thinks, but I am thinking maybe we could try for a couple of cycles first and see how we go, but I wont go on trying forever - and an info pack re adoption is on the way in the mail. Right now I am too tired from all the emotions to make a decision anyway - hopefully the right one will come to me in time.
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