What's bothering me most is that I feel like I am being a Crappy Mama rather than a Blissful one right now. I don't feel like I am playing enough with BB, or giving him enough attention. I feel like I am always trying to do something else, either at the same time as 'pretending' to play, or I am thinking about when I can get away for a moment to do the next thing, or of something I can give him to amuse himself with for a minute or ten. This is not how I wanted my Mummyhood to be. I am not the Mama I want to be. Things have to change.
A major part of this is the fact that I am now working. Hopefully this will get better soon as BB went for an hour trial at nursery today and he seemed to really like it. Next week he's going for 2 1/2 hours and then after that he will be there 4 hours a week. Hopefully I can get lots of things done while he's there and be a little more present when he's home.
Another issue is that I am so tired. As well as first trimester fatigue, I am staying up too late.. I know this, but I am trying to work, which I don't start until BB is in bed, the washing on and the house in order. After working, I don't really want to go straight to bed. I have no ME time at all at the moment. I think that's important for recharging so that I can be present for others
So, I need to get everything done, work, make time for quality play and interaction with BB, make time for me and get a good night's sleep. I think need to blog too, as it helps me reflect and stay sane. So, all in all, I need about 6 extra hours in a day!
As finding an extra six hours is unlikely, I need to think of ways to be smarter with my time. I've been having a few ideas, but I would welcome yours too.
Firstly I want to plan for at least a half hour session of really good quality interaction with BB every morning. Half an hour is realistic, and hopefully by having that special time he will be more content in the times when my attention is being shared with tasks like cooking lunch. I am looking around for good play ideas so if you have any, or can recommend any good books or websites please do let me know.
Secondly I want to spend less time cooking and eat better food. That sounds like a tall order I know, but I think it's possible. I am one of those people that cooks 'what's in the fridge'. The reality is that what's in the fridge is very similar week to week, and I cobble stuff together from it. I think I could plan our meals, giving us more variety, wasting less food, and saving time on shopping trips (we go several times a week for a few bits), and on working out what we can eat. I keep hearing about people who do menu planning, it sounds like a great idea, but where do I start? If you have any pointers, again please let me know.
Thirdly, I am going to make time to relax. I have a love film subscription for 3 DVD's and an online movie a month, lately I have only watched one or two of them. I am going to try and have one evening a week where I don't work, but watch an indulgent film instead. Tonight I watched Romantics Anonymous and it was lovely. I am also open to film recommendations if you have seen anything good lately.
Finally, I am going to bed earlier - starting now
I will be back soon to blog about walking boy and his new shoes, and the Christening, and BB2, and my day at the Paralympics, and maybe more.
But for now...
Goodnight
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| Blissful Boy dining al fresco in the Cotswolds |
You should have a look at some of Soulemama's posts on her blog. She often has some great ideas and has a couple of good books that revolve around rhythm. I wonder if it's the fact you're doing too much as to the fact that you need it structured a little better? I don't know. It isn't about losing the spontaneity but more about creating regular rhythm to everyday so that BB knows what's coming and you then carve out that time for you within that structure. There are lots of great books that might help with that, particularly if you look along the 'steiner' early years path - just because they are renown for the rhythm for toddlers. You know what I'm going to say, don't you? Bring it down to his level. So if you're needing to cook, invest in a cheap second hand table that is pint sized and some pint sized bowls and spoons and let him have a bit of dough or some soft carrots or apple to cut up. Obv. don't give him stuff that's ridiculously messy because you'll then have to clean and you'll resent him (and me ;-) ) and it won't be what you set out to achieve. He won't be interested all the time, but mix that with the rhythm, so he knows that each day after his breakfast he helps you to 'cook' so that you prepare the meal together, he'll begin to spend longer and longer at it. Give him a spoon and rice to transfer to jars or pasta shapes, he doesn't necessarily need you to pass him things or 'play' with him per se, rather he needs to see you are present with him. I think whilst you're so tired at least you need to cut yourself some slack too - you're doing an AMAZING job! So...Montessori-spiel over.
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Look at that happy smile!! I hear you on giving quality time to your babe, I am constantly checking myself & reminding myself what kind of Mother I want to be for Elena.
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