Sunday, March 25, 2012

Confession (shhh!) - my child was planned!

This isn't a gripe or a moan, just an observation, a curiosity that I have been thinking about recently. But why is it so much more weird to say that your child was planned than to say they were a mistake?

A couple of weeks ago I was walking along with BB in the pushchair when I bumped into an old friend from school, walking with his [slightly older] child in a push chair. We chatted for a while and he proceeded to tell me how his child was a mistake, so I followed his lead by telling him mine wasn't. He was quite shocked that someone would actually want to have a child enough to become a choice mum. He said he had never heard of such a thing, but said that he supposed he shouldn't be surprised these days, and went on about how we soon won't need men at all...

To clarify, it was someone local - this area is not known for being at the forefront of contemporary thought, but still... and I have had similar reactions before. Plus I have had several people ask me if my pregnancy was a mistake, and no doubt even more have thought it. Is it not odd that saying your child was an accident is more socially acceptable than saying that you really wanted them? Or is it just me?
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3 comments:

  1. I've thought about this one too. I think it's that even a 'mistake' still occurs conventionally. Still, I think 'by design' is a warmer story for those personally involved, particularly BB et al and the extended family. I remember a friend's brother being described by his mum as 'the best mistake I ever made' and every time I heard it, it still felt to me like an emotional slap for him.

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  2. God forbid you would actually CHOOSE a life that was complete without your friend or another man? I wonder if men are oddly defensive to feel like they might not be necessary?

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  3. Well, at the moment I am fairly well occupied just being mum, but in an ideal world I would have a lovely partner to share my life with... I just didn't find him yet...

    The advice of a [mature male] friend a few years ago was to 'wait until the second round' - ie find someone who has already been married and had kids, as all the single no kids men I kept meeting were perhaps, er, how should I put it? -Single with no kids for a reason. I do know lots of people that have found lovely mature men who are great dads. I thought it was good advice.

    I was thinking that once I had kids I would be able to date, nice, grown up men. I will just be a single mum who already has kids right -just like any other.

    But perhaps not? Perhaps my 'independence' will be a huge turn off!

    I guess we'll just have to wait and see!

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