Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Stepping into the light

Well, I am really feeling as though I have emerged from that dark, dusty tunnel and stepped out into the golden sunlight. Though I may be tired, swollen and huge, it feels great!

37 1/2 weeks
All my uni stuff was completed a day ahead of my self imposed schedule and posted off last Monday.

The tiler finished the kitchen and I am happy to say that I really like it now that it's done.


The builder came and put hooks up for the hammock


I have one hook in the nursery, one in the study, one in the lounge and one in my room, just over my bed so that I can rock him to sleep without actually moving (theoretically!).

I had to have a little chuckle to myself too - the neighbours that have never spoken to me, some even totally blanked me, have suddenly taken an interest in me now that I am so obviously pregnant. I think they could be curious as to how I could manage to get pregnant as I obviously live alone.  The delightful lady at the shop said "So was it a mistake?" and another neighbour said "Oh, I bet that was a surprise!" I do wonder what they are thinking. They have of course observed lots of [trades]men coming and going from my house in the last few months! I did finish sewing the net curtains before I hung the chain over my bed for the hammock - I hope this didn't stifle their imaginations!


I do find it slightly bizarre that my story is out there on the internet but that the neighbours close by have no idea. That said, my next door neighbour has known of the plan since before I even started trying to conceive and applauds the whole concept, and next door-but-one, a fabulous lady who I think could become a great friend, congratulated me, no questions asked, and gave me some really nice baby clothes.

Now that all the house preparation and study is out of the way, I am starting to get ready to have a baby. I have been a bit of a headless chook with all that has been going on, and so have made a real effort in the last week to relax and chill, to ground myself and begin to focus on introducing a new little being to the planet in the gentlest and calmest way that I can.

I am hoping that I can get through the birth without any nasty drugs or interventions, in a birthing centre with midwife led care. I have a great doula friend and the baby's daddy to support me during the birth. I feel quite lucky with this support, and also with the facility, as all evidence suggests that it is one of the best places in the country to have a baby.

It sounds bizarre, but although I have known for 35 weeks now that there is a baby growing inside me, I have found it really hard to comprehend that my bump is going to turn into a babe in my arms. I love my bump. I love feeling the kicks, punches and bum wiggles, and watching my belly dance. I like how he sometimes makes the covers move on my bed. I am constantly stroking him. Although it has sometimes been hard, and at times I have felt terrible, I have loved being pregnant. It is a joy to nurture a new life inside you, and I am constantly amazed at what my body can do.

Last week when I was packing my hospital bag, I began to comprehend that finally I am going to have a baby. The moment came as I worked through the list of things to pack and came to the part that said 'soft toy for the baby'. Now, at first I thought that perhaps I wouldn't bother with that, I don't think that baby will really take much notice of it. But then I had a second thought that it could be nice, and so went to the cot to carefully select a toy. I picked this little guy


as he is new (bought especially for Mr Bump by my auntie), soft, small and cute. As I picked him up and looked at him I began to cry and cry. I am actually going to have a child. I still can't quite believe that my dream is coming true... but I am getting there.

I've also had a couple of really vivid dreams in the last few days. The first was that a little hand stretched through the skin of my belly grabbed my finger, and the second dream was of his face appearing though my belly. Both signs that I am getting ready to meet my little man I think.

Can't wait to meet you my little one.
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4 comments:

  1. What a wonderful post and I always enjoy reading about your life. Can't wait to hear about the birth and see a photo or two of Mr bump.

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  2. What a beautiful post. I'm a bit teary! Your belly is just gorgeous Emma. Cheeky comments from your locals... funny!

    I remember a close friend saying after the birth of her first little one, 'Even though I've carried him for 9 months, I didn't feel any more prepared for him than you might have if you'd gone to hospital, picked up a baby and taken them home.' For me, the miracle of new life feels the sweetest on your first night together. After everyone else has gone and you're nestled together, you can finally fully absorb the profound preciousness of what you've created and been gifted.

    Your dreams are beautiful. Happy communing. All my best vibes for the delivery you're wanting.

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  3. I am both laughing hysterically at the twitching that must be going on and the hooks...all you need now is to leave a whip outside or something ;-) and wanting to give you a huge, huge hug for the final few steps.
    I'll be there with you all the way, holding your hand, no dreams of babies coming out of your belly though darling, if we can possibly help it ;-) I feel so honoured and privileged to think that you're allowing me to share in this with you and hope I can do you proud and well...my heart is bursting too and there are a few tears right now.

    Love you both (that's him too ;-))
    R xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  4. No don't panic Mama Bee! The baby did not actually come out through my belly. In both dreams the protruding parts were covered in my skin. Think comical cartoon baby NOT Alien!!!! I think in the face one he actually spoke to me, but I don't remember that clearly. He was definitely very smiley though, and I think the image will be with me forever!

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